From a teacher’s diary
It was the D- day for our class. I was the class teacher of 9A; a class of 41. If one word
could bring out the characteristics of the whole class it would be ‘brilliant’. Not that every child performed exceedingly well in academics, but still they were brilliant. Anyway that was my impression about that class. For me it was a treat to be with them. It may not be very civil to say this, but some classes were just punishments for the teachers, including me. It is a mystery how each class acquires its own characteristics. It could be that there are a few in every class who could influence the whole, either positively or negatively; that is my finding. Influence of the teacher cannot be neglected but among the teen agers, peer group comes first and then only the teachers, in the normal case.
Coming back to the D- day: our class was going to perform a skit on the stage in the morning assembly. Other than the usual proceedings like prayer, pledge and thought for the week, we sometimes have a guest’s speech, but this kind of a performance by a whole class was not usual in the assembly . I had to argue my case and get special permission from the principal to have the show of my class. Our timing was right, in the sense,after one week we were going to have guest students from the UK as a part of the student exchange program. The whole school was in a cleaning spree. Our skit was based on cleanliness in the school environment.
All the children in the class came a few minutes earlier than usual, had a quick last minute rehearsal and we were ready. The class was divided into two groups of 20 each and they would stand on either sides in a row while one leader Shankar, would stand in the middle near the central microphone and. He would say the opening lines and would lead the chorus through out the skit. That was how it was planned.
When the time came, I went down from back of the stage to be with the rest of the school. I was confident that the students would perform with utmost precision and agility.. They were thorough, we had practiced so well. Everyone took their positions with Shankar in the middle. School captain announced the show and requested the primary children to go to the shades so as to make them more comfortable. Then he gave the microphone to Shankar. He held it in his right hand, viewed the whole school assembled in front of him, 1000 and more students and 150 and more teachers. Seconds ticked off. He stood there, dazed, staring blank, not making a sound. Whole campus was silent, waiting. Seconds grew into minutes – 2,3,4. Nothing happened! Not a word from Shankar! I don't know when I started sweating, but by the end of those 4 minutes, I was drenched. I could see his hand that held the microphone shivering. He was looking pathetically at me, at the gathering, at the teachers…., he was under a panic attack of stage fear. Then, in a decisive moment, he inserted the mike in its stand, turned back and walked out of the stage! After a moment of hesitation, the rest 40 also turned back and followed Shankar! I looked at the principal, our eyes met and I got burn blisters all over me. School captain gave the order for dispersal of the assembly. No explanation or excuses were given. There was nothing to give. I could hear laughter from different sources, collective and individual. I could see jeering faces.
I went straight to the principal’s room, apologised profusely and requested to give a second chance. With a lot of hesitation and ‘ are you sure’ questions, she agreed.
I reached the class with the attendance register to take the morning attendance. Not one head was lifted, not even the usual sing-song ‘good morning’, some didn't even stand up. Some girls had wet red eyes. I didn't have to take attendance since I already knew that all were present. Without the slightest hint of accusation, I said, “ So, children, at noon all of
you finish your lunch fast and come to the auditorium. We have practice from 12.45 for 15 minutes. We are going to the stage day after tomorrow.” Suddenly there were screams of ‘No’, and ‘Not Again’….. I waited patiently for the commotion to subside and then as if nothing had happened, looked at Shankar and said “ you are going to be the lead and there won't be any change in it”. He got up from his seat, came near the teacher’s table and said, “Mam,…. I can't do it. I …I let down the whole class, I may do it again, no, I am sure I will do it again…. I am… nervous…
“Shankar, if you give up now, you won't be able to look at yourself for a longer time than what you think. You will pass out of this school with a lingering sense of failure deep in your heart which may not be explicit to everyone. So there is no choice for you. You are going to do it. My confidence in you has not the least changed. Give all your burden to me, go with a light heart, if you fail , I am responsible, fully…. I am saying this because I am so sure you will not fail. He lifted his head , looked into my eyes and I saw it there – a sudden resolution. That was enough. I patted his back without another word and left the class.
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After 15 years I met Shankar at TDM Hall. We had gone there for a wedding; I for my ex-student’s and he for his ex- classmate’s. The whole ‘9A’ gang was there. We spoke like in olden times. All of them were well placed. Some were married, some were engaged,, we playfully teased each other reminding them of their old mannerisms and spoonerisms.
When Shankar said he was a probationary officer with SBI, I asked how was the interview, hinting his old time nervousness. Everybody laughed. He said he topped for interview. I wanted to hug him but didn't. After a few minutes I said good bye and walked to the car park. Shankar came along, leaving others there. He said he wanted to tell me something for a long time but didn't know how to contact me etc. He asked, “Mam, do u remember an incident that took place in our class while we were in 9 th std?” Of course I knew what he meant. He said, “ That was a turning point in my life. Ever after that incident I have never felt nervous to face any situation so far. You asked me about SBI interview. I did very well and I think I owe it to the way you handled me when I faltered miserably on that day.” Once more I wanted to hug him but didn't. I simply said, “ Oh , Shankar , you made my day!” What I wanted to say was you made my teaching career meaningful, but I didn't.
It was the D- day for our class. I was the class teacher of 9A; a class of 41. If one word
could bring out the characteristics of the whole class it would be ‘brilliant’. Not that every child performed exceedingly well in academics, but still they were brilliant. Anyway that was my impression about that class. For me it was a treat to be with them. It may not be very civil to say this, but some classes were just punishments for the teachers, including me. It is a mystery how each class acquires its own characteristics. It could be that there are a few in every class who could influence the whole, either positively or negatively; that is my finding. Influence of the teacher cannot be neglected but among the teen agers, peer group comes first and then only the teachers, in the normal case.
Coming back to the D- day: our class was going to perform a skit on the stage in the morning assembly. Other than the usual proceedings like prayer, pledge and thought for the week, we sometimes have a guest’s speech, but this kind of a performance by a whole class was not usual in the assembly . I had to argue my case and get special permission from the principal to have the show of my class. Our timing was right, in the sense,after one week we were going to have guest students from the UK as a part of the student exchange program. The whole school was in a cleaning spree. Our skit was based on cleanliness in the school environment.
All the children in the class came a few minutes earlier than usual, had a quick last minute rehearsal and we were ready. The class was divided into two groups of 20 each and they would stand on either sides in a row while one leader Shankar, would stand in the middle near the central microphone and. He would say the opening lines and would lead the chorus through out the skit. That was how it was planned.
When the time came, I went down from back of the stage to be with the rest of the school. I was confident that the students would perform with utmost precision and agility.. They were thorough, we had practiced so well. Everyone took their positions with Shankar in the middle. School captain announced the show and requested the primary children to go to the shades so as to make them more comfortable. Then he gave the microphone to Shankar. He held it in his right hand, viewed the whole school assembled in front of him, 1000 and more students and 150 and more teachers. Seconds ticked off. He stood there, dazed, staring blank, not making a sound. Whole campus was silent, waiting. Seconds grew into minutes – 2,3,4. Nothing happened! Not a word from Shankar! I don't know when I started sweating, but by the end of those 4 minutes, I was drenched. I could see his hand that held the microphone shivering. He was looking pathetically at me, at the gathering, at the teachers…., he was under a panic attack of stage fear. Then, in a decisive moment, he inserted the mike in its stand, turned back and walked out of the stage! After a moment of hesitation, the rest 40 also turned back and followed Shankar! I looked at the principal, our eyes met and I got burn blisters all over me. School captain gave the order for dispersal of the assembly. No explanation or excuses were given. There was nothing to give. I could hear laughter from different sources, collective and individual. I could see jeering faces.
I went straight to the principal’s room, apologised profusely and requested to give a second chance. With a lot of hesitation and ‘ are you sure’ questions, she agreed.
I reached the class with the attendance register to take the morning attendance. Not one head was lifted, not even the usual sing-song ‘good morning’, some didn't even stand up. Some girls had wet red eyes. I didn't have to take attendance since I already knew that all were present. Without the slightest hint of accusation, I said, “ So, children, at noon all of
you finish your lunch fast and come to the auditorium. We have practice from 12.45 for 15 minutes. We are going to the stage day after tomorrow.” Suddenly there were screams of ‘No’, and ‘Not Again’….. I waited patiently for the commotion to subside and then as if nothing had happened, looked at Shankar and said “ you are going to be the lead and there won't be any change in it”. He got up from his seat, came near the teacher’s table and said, “Mam,…. I can't do it. I …I let down the whole class, I may do it again, no, I am sure I will do it again…. I am… nervous…
“Shankar, if you give up now, you won't be able to look at yourself for a longer time than what you think. You will pass out of this school with a lingering sense of failure deep in your heart which may not be explicit to everyone. So there is no choice for you. You are going to do it. My confidence in you has not the least changed. Give all your burden to me, go with a light heart, if you fail , I am responsible, fully…. I am saying this because I am so sure you will not fail. He lifted his head , looked into my eyes and I saw it there – a sudden resolution. That was enough. I patted his back without another word and left the class.
---------------------------------------------*******---------------------------------------*******----------------
After 15 years I met Shankar at TDM Hall. We had gone there for a wedding; I for my ex-student’s and he for his ex- classmate’s. The whole ‘9A’ gang was there. We spoke like in olden times. All of them were well placed. Some were married, some were engaged,, we playfully teased each other reminding them of their old mannerisms and spoonerisms.
When Shankar said he was a probationary officer with SBI, I asked how was the interview, hinting his old time nervousness. Everybody laughed. He said he topped for interview. I wanted to hug him but didn't. After a few minutes I said good bye and walked to the car park. Shankar came along, leaving others there. He said he wanted to tell me something for a long time but didn't know how to contact me etc. He asked, “Mam, do u remember an incident that took place in our class while we were in 9 th std?” Of course I knew what he meant. He said, “ That was a turning point in my life. Ever after that incident I have never felt nervous to face any situation so far. You asked me about SBI interview. I did very well and I think I owe it to the way you handled me when I faltered miserably on that day.” Once more I wanted to hug him but didn't. I simply said, “ Oh , Shankar , you made my day!” What I wanted to say was you made my teaching career meaningful, but I didn't.
